trying so hard

I don't want to write about being grumpy. I don't want to be grumpy. I don't want to end the day exhausted, without feeling like I've accomplished that much. I don't want to give up or give in.

The fact is, we're a month into school and everything I told myself (and others told me) was temporary is still true. My classes are too large, there are students grossly misplaced, we don't have enough materials. The administration means well, but their hands are tied. My class feels boring, all we do is problems from the textbook. The students don't seem to mind, so maybe its only boring to me because I do it four times a day. I still don't have an official mentor, or anyone to talk to who is good at this (all the Algebra teachers I know are new).

I want to be thrilled with the impact I'm having. I want to be flattered that one student would rather spend the entire day in my class than go to her other classes. I want to laugh when they try to find creative ways to ask how old I am (turn it into a math problem, calculating from the year I was born). Maybe I should leave my happy teacher face on all day- everything has to be okay when I have a smile on my face!