Thursday, January 25, 2007

i missed the middle

When I arrived at college my friends all named me mom. I took care of everyone, anyone's problems were mine to solve and everyone had to be happy all the time. I was a shoulder to cry on, the alcohol monitor and the bouncing board for any decision to be made. I liked taking care of people, but there came a point where I realized I need to take care of me. My shoulder is still functional, I keep an eye on others and I'm always happy to listen, but I stopped contributing. If someone is making bad decisions and asks for my input, I give a brief analysis and then move on. It doesn't stay with me like it used to, if someone is upset I can still go out and have a great time. I thought I'd solved my problem of being everyone's keeper, I thought it was good that I was keeping my nose out of other people's business. Apparently I've been very vocal this year about not caring about everyone's decisions. Sometimes this has been praised, other times not, but either way I've been described as a bit more callous than I ever expected to be. It is infuriatingly frustrating to be too involved, but I think I'd like some of the 'mom' back, and I don't know where it went.

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